While I try not to cuss, there is a lot of it implied. Read at your own risk.
I sat next to the rudest couple alive on the flight from Toronto to Iceland.
First, the man was larger than usual. Ok, he was fat. I’m not sugar coating it on account of their rudeness. And he smelled. But as someone who has been Febreezing the crap out of their clothes, I’ll let that slide. I approach my row and smiled at them as I said “that’s me” and pointed to the window seat. He very rudely told his girlfriend/wife/nag to “move out.” Great, one of those dudes. You see, they put the fat smelly man in the middle seat and his significantly more slender gf/wife/nag in the aisle seat. FML.
And yep, one of those dudes whose fat arm kept coming across the seat rest. I hope he got my germs. In fact, I know the Universe will repay him.
I finally fell asleep around 9p Toronto time and had the window shade closed because we were chasing the sun – seriously, we never saw dark. I hope to never do that again…I need sleep. At some point, I wake up to hear her calling him stubborn and whining about the window shade being drawn when this is a “once in a lifetime view” and something about “her priorities” [I assume mine]. She obviously doesn’t get out much. SHE didn’t have the sun glaring at her, blinding her. I did!
So he gets up to go to the washroom (I did just come from Canada after all) and then she scoots over to the middle seat and REACHES across me to open the shade. Like hello, I’m f-ing sleeping here. I mumble something about closing it and she takes some pictures. Of clouds. Because you don’t get to see clouds from an airplane, like never. Seriously a unicorn phenomenon. Yes, I’m being sarcastic and yes this story gets worse.
He returns and she tells him she got to see and is still complaining about not being able to enjoy her vacation and share with people pictures from the sky. Again, I don’t think she gets out, like ever. He says something about it always being his fault and brings up Valentine’s Day and a bday and some other shit I don’t care about listening to.
The plane lands and everyone is doing that hurry up and wait thing you do when the doors aren’t yet open to let you off the plane. He’s writing an email (looks like to his boss) about how he couldn’t do any work on the plane. And yes, I read it. We’ve lost all sense of privacy at this point.
We’re at the moment in the deplaning process where the ROW IN FRONT OF us is piling out and the vultures in the row behind us are creeping forward and Fatass is still just sitting there. He didn’t even move to her vacant seat and give me some breathing room. The gf/wife/nag has already gotten a suitcase down and is standing in the aisle. I ask him jokingly “you plan on getting off?” Totally in a respectful way, I even had a smile on my face. He looks at me and says “I would love to get off” in one of the most unkind/rude/jerk kind of ways. I get it buddy, you spent the entire flight creeping into my personal bubble away from The Nag who could do nothing but remind you what a piece of shit you are (I tend to agree with her). My response? Well, I said in the most knowing and “your life sucks” kind of way, “I bet you do.” There was an implied “f off” in there and I could do nothing but smile and wonder where they were from and why they were so miserable – she had a Singapore passport and he had a Florida t-shirt on. Luckily, they are not on my Dublin flight.
As for WOW air, I had no issues. I paid in advance for checking my green roller bag and they didn’t even weigh my backpack or ask me to cram it into one of those size guides. The prepaid meal I had was awful so now I know to bring my own food on board – lots of people with Subway sandwiches.
There She Goes... 